Learning through Anxiety

In December of last year (2011) I experienced anxiety in one of the most powerful ways I had ever encountered. Of course, I had had worries before and anxiety about specific events (like I assume we all do) but this was different. This was an all encompassing anxiety, fear and depression. I felt I had come face to face with myself and my life and was dealing with issues that I had (unknowingly) been avoiding for a long time.  In retrospect I've learned that stress isn't only work related or financially related, but some of the most intense stress can be emotional scars that can be carried for years and later manifest physically.  For me, these were the hardest to notice, because I had hidden them from my conscious mind.  I'm sure that my anxiety was started in part by opening up this part of my mind and dealing with these issues fact to face.  (more on that later).

The most intense period lasted about a week and sort of lingered through over the next couple of weeks. During the first week I was hardly able to leave the house. I struggled with feelings of worthlessness, and failure as a person...and with my motivations in life. As my own perspective expanded, I came to feel that we all deal with these things at some level and in a variety of ways, have just learned to hide it from the outside world.

I now have the deepest empathy for those that are dealing with anxiety, depression and other issues. It wasn't that I was callus to these issues before, they just weren't really on my radar screen. I just had no idea of the depth of pain and almost psychedelic nature, that some of these experiences could morph into. I hope that you will find this blog helpful, whether you are dealing with anxiety or depression or ways to relax or meditate. In retrospect, this anxiety and depression turned out to be a blessing because it opened me up to new parts of myself, and a new way of adjusting my perspective in ways that I had no clue that even existed. It was as if I had discovered a new layer to my humanity, and spirituality, that I had hidden from myself.

In the middle of the anxiety, I found music to be an integral part of helping me to deal with these issues. In order to understand more about what was going on with me and to prove to myself that I wasn't completely insane, I started to read more about psychology and neuroscience and spirituality and anything that related to the "inner world" that I had re-discovered. Through this I discovered the powerful value of music...frequency, sound and rhythm. In a huge way music became my healer. As a musician, I was always attracted to the mysterious nature of music and sound, but I had come to think of it as something for entertainment or to move the emotions (which I think are valuable), but now I was opened to the possibility of sound and frequency as a healing force and something that could be helpful for other people. I learned about different mental states (states of consciousness) and how sound and frequency could help access these.

So,this is what has inspired me to start this blog, while I mostly want to focus on music there are many other subjects that overlap. Well, at some point it ALL overlaps. Sound and music are the study and artful use of frequencies, but in essence our whole world is frequency. Science acknowledges that everything is vibrating, from solid matter and our brainwaves down to the activity of the smallest particles we know of. The world we live in is a world of vibration. A world of music!

I have been working on music and sounds (mainly recording nature sounds, so far) not only for my own self therapy, but also to share with family and friends that had shared that they were also dealing with similar issues of anxiety or depression. I will post new music and sounds in the "music" section. This is still an exploration for me and I hope you'll find this helpful in your life!
Be well, Jon

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