Letting the mind settle

A friend asked me, "How did you find that space of peace and that moment freedom in your mind?" This question was in response to a conversation we were having where I described finding this space of "no thought" and stillness in my mind (which came as an unexpected release at the tail end of a week of debilitating anxiety). I think I said something about just focusing in the moment, and realizing that that is all there IS, and forgetting the future and past, but I didn't feel like a had a good simple answer to give them. The person I was talking to was someone I've known for a long time personally and care about. I mean what kind of answer is that? ..I later thought, somewhat frustrated with my ability to communicate this clearly. Without understanding WHAT I mean, the response to "focus on the moment" may just sound trite. The "understanding" though, is exactly what needs to be understood, and I hope that something here in this blog resonates and isn't an exercise in futility. 

My entire intent of this blog is to hopefully share "the how" and give some hint of what I feel I have "understood". My prayer and hope is that everyone finds true Peace. Truth is, I'm not sure it's possible in words. My experience tells me that there IS an "energy" and "frequency" to this "Peace and understanding", and the "energy" is not the words. It's like a radio signal that carries the energy and understanding in one signal. It's something to stay tuned in to, which I practice to do everyday. Also, the truth is that although there WAS a definite singular moment of realization of this internal peace (for me). Even after that, it has taken daily attention to stay with it. I've realized that the world, people, relationships etc.. will not quit presenting opportunities for stress just because I found peace... so, for me, it's still a daily process of seeking and finding the balance. 
Truthfully, I think finding the mental balance was equally related to finding some balance in my body too.  

I have mentioned many times here in this blog how much Yoga, meditation and diet and sound therapy have helped. These are like daily hygiene for me.. 

Having said that:

It takes time to let the mind settle. 

It takes time to allow the mind to unwind.

It takes time for the repressed and suppressed things (that are causing stress), to bubble up.

It takes time to process and deal with these things and to fully let them go.

It takes time to awaken to the truth of yourself..to truly KNOW yourSELF.

Only YOU can give yourself this gift.

This will probably require a temporary retreat from the world. If I were writing a note to my future Self with advice (which technically I am) I'd say this:

Dear Self:

It takes faith, discipline and perhaps pure desperation to start this journey. Funny thing is.. you've always been on it ;) (...so  don't put pressure on yourself, to "achieve" something.)

Now, let's get down to business... here's what I suggest:

Tune out as many distractions as you can.  Log off of FaceBook. Turn off the TV. Avoid all news and media and entertainment. Avoid negative energies and conversations. Plan ahead so you can keep all "doing"...(chores etc)..to a bare minimum. Be alone. Be in Nature. Be with yourSELF. Be STILL. Give yourself a couple of weeks at least.. a month (or more) if possible. (If you can't swing that, start with a weekend or a day.)

The world is full of well crafted distractions.. things to keep the mind busy and occupied. These things keep us from focusing on internal issues and noticing the patterns and tactics of the ego that will only keep you feeling trapped. It will take time to let your mind settle...(like a pool in the summer after a cannonball competition). It will take time for the mind to begin to recalibrate with your heart and your whole being. Your mind will go through withdrawals.. this IS a mental detox, from the the addiction of "thinking". The world tells us this constant "thinking" is the way. It is NOT The Way.

Some things to do:

Do nothing.Meditate. 
Listen to Sound Therapy tracks. 
Try fasting a few days ..or eat only living organic foods. 
Take probiotics. Eat probiotic foods. You are a community. 
Drink a lot of pure water.  
Read things that are positive...scriptures..poetry (in small doses). 
Start a journal...write out your thoughts..it will help to let them go.

This awakening is not necessarily all pleasant. The path of a true warrior to realize that the enemy is a creation of the mind. It is a sort of destruction and reprogramming of the "ego". This "ego" is the "you", you most likely think you are. The battle is within. A piece of your psyche will die. This path of waking is like being in a war and convincing your enemy to destroy itself. Not easy. You will be dealing with personal demons that have been silently and patiently waiting in the shadows of your soul. So, forget about peacefully sitting cross legged by a fountain chanting ohmmmmm  (that comes later :)

Only you can walk this path. Though you will walk through the valley of your own darkness, you will have nothing to fear but the fear itself. The fear may become intense. The voice you must continually choose on this path is the voice that chooses Love over the fear. As the mental detox progresses, the schemes and deceptions of the mind may become bogglingly complex... behind these stories, moods and feelings you are the observer. You can choose from this space. CHOOSE LOVE. CHOOSE LIFE. FORGIVE YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF. Know this: that the Source of all life loves you. Know that this Source sees you as worthy of love and life. This Source gave you life and breathes Love into you everyday. This Source IS you, and cares for You when even "you" can't stand yourself. The Source is around you ...and in you ...and every living thing. If G-d is for you, who can be against you? 

Yes, there are moments of unworthiness and self loathing. Yes, there are moments of self destructive thoughts. Yes, there are moments of self-clarity that are embarrassing and excruciating. Yes there are moments when you just fucking hate yourself! This is natural, it is the "Old you" fighting for survival. This deceiving mind will not let go easily. Forgive yourself, love yourself in spite of it. When the old mind tries to tell you what you are...pull a "peewee hermann" and say, "I know you are, but what am I." Your ego says "I am you"..then say again.. "I know you are, but what am I". 

There are times you may not know what to think..so why not stop. Stop thinking. Let go of thinking and surrender to rest (in this moment). It is not dying. It will be Life. It's only from this place of surrender that you will ever know Love. That is what we are here to learn...to remember. (note: I personally leaned on the selfless example and help of Jesus..Yeshua to go from the darkness of confusion.. to the light of clarity. ...Understand yourSelf. Honor your own path.)

Stay grounded. Don't get wrapped up in superstitions and stories that the mind likes to offer...even religious or spiritual ones. Science has aimed for the truth through questioning and testing. Question and test yourself occasionally. This isn't a lack of faith, but may lead to deeper understanding...and understanding dispels fear and opens the door to love.

Remember that, complexity is an offering of "the mind". Simplicity is a gift of "the heart". There is no goal. Nothing to strive for. Only being. Be grateful for it.  

If anxiety and depression come (and they probably will). Stay in this moment now. You've been avoiding them for a long time by keeping your mind busy. Remember that these moods and memories are creations of the mind. These moods and "memories" are mental illusions that are designed to keep you conned into identifying with your thoughts and continuing this dysfunctional relationship with yourself. You CAN exist without the thoughts. 

Nevertheless, let the emotions flow. Cry. Be angry. Speak out your truth in order to diffuse the energy of anxiety or depression. Journal your thoughts.. Remember that laughter also heals and diffuses strong energies, and above all, DO NO HARM.  

As the distractions of the mind lessen and disappear, your awareness will become more acute. This may be unnerving or even feel psychedelic. Keep in mind that nothing has changed except you. Everything is still the same. You are just more aware of "what is". Take a deep breath and take time to notice. Sit and watch the birds. Enjoy a sunrise. Feel the warmth of the sun. Notice and enjoy the precision and beauty of it all, and be grateful.

Remember, this moment is all there will ever be. ..and in this moment Choose Love, not fear. In this moment choose Joy. You are now free to create what you wish. The energy of this moment feeds the next.

When you find Peace (and tune into it's frequency), it will be beyond the ability of your "mind" to grasp. There may be a touch and go process of staying in this balance. It's like riding a bike... You'll remember... You'll remember, that you've been here before...this feels magical, yet so familiar. You may wonder how you can go back to the world...to your job...or to re-engage in difficult relationships...or let go. Choose the path YOU feel is right. You may feel like a raw nerve, suddenly aware of the cruelty of "well meaning" people. Forgive them. You may feel a rising wellspring of emotion, sadness at the suffering you see others experience and JOY at witnessing the gift that IS all around you. You may feel a rising physical energy and rising sexual energy. There are many things to process and understand. This is natural. Experience it, don't push it away or be embarrassed. You are human, embrace it. Embrace and accept yourself. Being yourself, IS the most spiritual thing you can BE. The only true morality is self respect. 

This is an ever unfolding process. Expect nothing and be surprised. Feel free to rinse and repeat.

When I see you again, you will KNOW me and I will KNOW you... 

OK, Looking forward to connecting..

Until then... It'll be NOW.

Love, J


A True Warrior is never at war with the world - Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

I laughed that day because of all my stupid ridiculous efforts to attain it. I laughed on that day at myself, and I laughed on that day at the whole of humanity, because everybody is trying to achieve, everybody is trying to reach, everybody is trying to improve.
To me it happened in a state of total relaxation – it always happens in that state. I had tried everything. And then, seeing the futility of all effort, I dropped… I dropped the whole project, I forgot all about it. For seven days I lived as ordinarily as possible.
The people I used to live with were very much surprised, because this was the first time they had seen me live just an ordinary life. Otherwise my whole life was a perfect discipline. ---OSHO

We wrestle not against flesh and blood - Ephesians


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Just a personal note: There is nothing new under the sun. I am just attempting to present info. here that has helped me. I hope to present it in a clear way based on my experience with anxiety which was a spiritual, psychological and emotional awakening for me. In retrospect of this experience I have been reading as much as I could to come to a deeper and more grounded understanding of this seemingly mystical thing that happened to me (so that I could share it with you). I'm not a doctor or a scientist. Please know this is only my experience. Yours will obviously be different, but since my experience was so similar to others I've talked to, I am hoping this may be helpful or useful to you in some way. It's also a way that I hope to share the love with you. That is my purpose here.

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