Choose Love, not Fear

Note to Self:

In this moment now.. Choose, Love not fear.


Of all of my epiphanies this is the one I see as the most important to me. I feel it is the rosetta stone for all of the other epiphanies I had from my experience. As the pandora's box of my subconscious thoughts descended into fear, anxiety and stress like I have never experienced. I was faced with conundrums and mental knots for why I hated myself.. why I felt the circumstances of my life reflected on "me".. all coming to light in my conscious mind... (geez, I didn't see that coming) As I sorted through these things over many sleepless nights, I tossed and turned through the night and battled these internal demons with no victory in sight.  Tossing and turning, my mind couldn't find a resolution.  As the fear threatened to overwhelm me, this somehow came to me... "You have to forgive yourself... forgive the others too. Choose love, not fear.. Choose love not fear.. Choose love, not fear.. Choose the love of forgiveness, and not the fear of self-hate or anger. You have to do this for yourself first." For me it was like a divine intervention. I realized that my mind would torture me endlessly. There was no solution in the intellect. In fact all of these fears, self loathing thoughts and more were products of MY MIND. Yes, it was my own mind that was producing all of this pain. This illusion of future and past and of a created self-identity that I judged myself against were creating this suffering (in the now) through a false relationship with myself. Choose love... it was my only way out of this hell.. to forgive myself and to choose love for myself... not though some justification that my mind could conceive of... but just as a choice... a choice that only I could make...right here and right now.

This moment is all that exists and in this moment I choose Love, over the fear that is produced by my mind. I choose the Love that was my intention all along, over the fear that the results of my actions sometimes didn't measure up. I choose love for myself in the here and now over these delusions of my mind... these torturous projections that I'm not worth it.. that I'm not good enough... 

Slowly I realized that my view of the past was an illusion a mental delusion based on my mind's (ego) interpretation of events. The same with my view of the future. Right now was the only moment in which I could act...and now I had the choice.. Love or Fear.  Love and forgiveness of myself. ..or Fear.. fear that I wasn't good enough..  or worth anyone's love..  ..or would never live up to who I thought I should be. I realized too that all moments extend from this one. The number of opportunities and directions of my path are infinite. Will fear move me in the direction I want to go? No. Only love allows me to surf from one moment to the next with the possibility to go where I want to. Love allows me to be a co-creator in the experiences I desire...all the the while being content exactly were I am.

I realized that those thoughts of unworthiness are total bullshit.... I CAN love myself.. I CAN be Ok with me. I CAN move on from here and take actions with good intentions... even though I can't control circumstances or determine outcomes. Had I made mistakes? sure... Will I make more? maybe... probably. I AM HUMAN...I am here to learn... and it's OK, I have to move forward with my intention of being good to myself and others as my anchor.

..and so I have set out to make this my practice.

In every moment of the day we are faced with thousands of thoughts... presented with many many situations.. From seemingly benign encounters at the checkout line, to arguments or conflict with someone in an important relationship. I made it my goal to take none of these for be completely aware.. each one was a chip in the bank of my consciousness, of my self esteem and of any possible impact that I might have on the world. I made it my goal to begin to choose Love in these moments, instead of fear... and when I failed, to forgive myself, make it right, and move on... and learn as much as I could from these failures and let it go. Stay on the path.. the path of the present moment and choosing the energy of Love over fear. ---Thats''s the whole thing.

This seems so simple, but over time I have realized that this is the underlying teaching of nearly every other spiritual or psychological teaching. Looking at almost every situation closer, it is easier to see that Love and fear are in every one. It can be hard to live up to.. after all our ego IS the product of fear. It was  formed to protect us in a world that can seem cruel and to protect us and protect our hearts from seeing the injustice and suffering that we fear we feel we can do nothing about. 

..but you CAN.  ...we CAN have an impact.

In small ways and big ways... and ways you will NEVER KNOW the outcome, your actions in love have an impact. The simple act of choosing love over fear (in each moment) can transform the mind, ourselves, the planet.  Something as simple as a smile could change someones day. Maybe a simple act of kindness or helping someone out could change how they feel. This can have a ripple effect... No, I don't have to "save the world" ...that's just way too grandiose and stressful, and feeds right back into fear. 

Mostly I have learned that choosing love over fear can change ME. While I have talked a lot about some of the scientific things that have gotten my interest here on this blog. Things like neurotransmitters and how they can affect our consciousness...  and yes, they can and do. Also, how sound therapy can affect our minds and bodies.  When we need these tools they are great. When we need to find our way out of the dark rabbit hole of the ego and back to the light of pure awareness, maybe herbs or other substances can help... but they are not the final solution in my view, just a kickstart to get us back on the path.  The path of choosing love over fear. 

I believe we can even have a profound impact on our own neuro-chemicals by simply learning to choose love of fear in each moment. Don't take my word for it though. Please..try it.. Make it a moving, living meditation with the interactions of your day. How does changing your focus affect you? Focus inwards on the feeling of happiness, joy and even love. Notice them, notice the physical sensations, muscle tension etc.. Feel these energies in your body. Also, feel the energy of fear when it arises. Feel the adrenaline.. the muscle tension. What are these feelings telling you about you? Ask yourself and listen, and find understanding in the answers.

Be transformed by renewing of your mind. Let love renew your mind. This will change old patterns and begin to establish new ones. Today, we know this as neuro-plasticity. Neuroscientists now know that changing our behaviors and reactions can literally change our brains..and our bodies. In the long term, I think this can be much more profound than any drug. I literally think we can learn to alter our consciousness and produce these states ourselves. We can learn to release stress and friction and function in harmony. It's an ever moving target for each person, and of course there are lessons and corrections. My feeling is that this can have an impact on not only ourselves, but the world at large. When more and more people tune in to this energy, I believe it has the power to be exponential. 

When we choose love we choose to identify with our true self. It's the part of me and you that is not individual or personal, but the part that is Universal. Its the part that we all share. Always remember, at your core, in your deepest ARE love, but fear doesn't want you to find out then it loses control. Game over.

..and please..above all... don't take this too seriously.. (that's fear too) This realization should be a return to ease. Just relax, have fun, enjoy your life, be of service and be kind. Focus on cultivating the energy within yourself by choosing in each and every moment. 

Love yourself, love people and have fun.

In this moment, choose Love.


reminders to myself:

don't fear fear...look into your fear...what is it telling you about you?  what is your need to build "identity" telling you.
focus on the good...(love). focus on what you want and have (gratitude).. not what you don't want.. (fear)

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Just a personal note: There is nothing new under the sun. I am just attempting to present info. here that has helped me. I hope to present it in a clear way based on my experience with anxiety which was a spiritual, psychological and emotional awakening for me. In retrospect of this experience I have been reading as much as I could to come to a deeper and more grounded understanding of this seemingly mystical thing that happened to me (so that I could share it with you). I'm not a doctor or a scientist. Please know this is only my experience. Yours will obviously be different, but since my experience was so similar to others I've talked to, I am hoping this may be helpful or useful to you in some way. It's also a way that I hope to share the love with you. That is my purpose here.

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